Wednesday, July 18, 2007 ; 12:09:00 PM ♥
In the morning, I went to the hospital with my uncle. Once I reached there, I saw her. She was lying on the bed motionless. She was so thin. She is totally different when she used walk. I cannot help it but to cry. When I saw her on Sun, she was so healthy but now she was lying on the bed. She asked me whether I wanted to eat durian, I told her I wanted so she bought for me. I scared she hungry so I bought her noodles to eat. Out of a sudden, I wanted to let her eat branded ice cream. Thought of it, my refrigerator was full of meat. Therefore, I did not bought a box of ice cream except Nestle cone ice cream. She was waiting for me at the void deck table. I went to mama shop to buy. I was surprised when she was not at home. I waited until she came up and told me she was waiting for me downstair. After which, we had our dinner and we ate durian together. That was the last time we had dinner together and the last time I saw her.
My heart was like thousands pins of needles poking into my heart when I saw her on the bed. I waited for the doctor to come and tell me the situation. The doc came and said to me: She was having sudden stoke, the brainstem has clogged the blood flow between the brain to the body. Another words to say, she was brain damage. Basically, there is 0% of survival. Even she woke up, she will be paralysed. Just be with her these few days and prepared for the worst as she might just go suddenly. It strucked me. Usually when I heard these words is from the television, but I never expected that today it had happened to me. I cried.... I went into ICU to see her. I cried. I cried until I was very tired. My family went in too. They told her to leave peacefully but I would'nt. I resisted, they told me to let her go but I don want. I still haven out of my NS, my marriage, my career and lot of things still undone. I still haven got a chance to be fillial to her. She has been working hard all her life. Why can't she enjoy more before she left. WHY????? She is only 65. She still can have about 20-30 years to go. Why does she have to go why everything is changing from bad to good. She just only reconcile with her daughter. Why must GOD take her away when she is about to enjoy???? Why must be so cruel to me?
I rest awhile and continue to cried. Her hp is 100 plus, O2 is 100. I totally at a loss, I did'nt know what to do. I was very helpless. I watched her lying on bed and I cannot do anything. So I consulted my friends. They all told me to pray hoping that a miracle will surface. I prayed and I cried. I was there the whole day until at night. I did'nt eat nor drink. As they were leaving, I told them I wanted to stay with her. They said ok, My aunty stayed with me as she scared I was alone. We stayed at the waiting area all the night. The room was cold so do my heart. Though my body was freezing, my heart was terribly in pain. At night, her hp is 95/97, O2 is 100. When we asked the nurse what happened, she said that it is normal. I don't believed what she said so I went to other room and see. Indeed, some of the patient hp dropped. I felt a bit of relieved. My aunty and me went to sleep at the waiting area until the next day.
My heart was like thousands pins of needles poking into my heart when I saw her on the bed. I waited for the doctor to come and tell me the situation. The doc came and said to me: She was having sudden stoke, the brainstem has clogged the blood flow between the brain to the body. Another words to say, she was brain damage. Basically, there is 0% of survival. Even she woke up, she will be paralysed. Just be with her these few days and prepared for the worst as she might just go suddenly. It strucked me. Usually when I heard these words is from the television, but I never expected that today it had happened to me. I cried.... I went into ICU to see her. I cried. I cried until I was very tired. My family went in too. They told her to leave peacefully but I would'nt. I resisted, they told me to let her go but I don want. I still haven out of my NS, my marriage, my career and lot of things still undone. I still haven got a chance to be fillial to her. She has been working hard all her life. Why can't she enjoy more before she left. WHY????? She is only 65. She still can have about 20-30 years to go. Why does she have to go why everything is changing from bad to good. She just only reconcile with her daughter. Why must GOD take her away when she is about to enjoy???? Why must be so cruel to me?
I rest awhile and continue to cried. Her hp is 100 plus, O2 is 100. I totally at a loss, I did'nt know what to do. I was very helpless. I watched her lying on bed and I cannot do anything. So I consulted my friends. They all told me to pray hoping that a miracle will surface. I prayed and I cried. I was there the whole day until at night. I did'nt eat nor drink. As they were leaving, I told them I wanted to stay with her. They said ok, My aunty stayed with me as she scared I was alone. We stayed at the waiting area all the night. The room was cold so do my heart. Though my body was freezing, my heart was terribly in pain. At night, her hp is 95/97, O2 is 100. When we asked the nurse what happened, she said that it is normal. I don't believed what she said so I went to other room and see. Indeed, some of the patient hp dropped. I felt a bit of relieved. My aunty and me went to sleep at the waiting area until the next day.
